BISHIE FACE

"Thank you, my friends!"

.....



Apparently (according to cory) the previous Wigglytuff bishie face drawing is impressive.

Yeah, I don't know. Anyway. Here are some more I did with the silly bishie face. It's kind of a parody.
It kind of roots in this Yaranaika? (やらないか) meme.
It's totally NSFW so... don't. It's probably not safe for humanity.
But its funny.

NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!
Also NSFW/humanity

BUT, FUNNY, OMFFG

NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!

The original... yeah. NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!NSFW! NSFW!


ANYWAY, so I drew Wigglytuff with that face as a joke.

Here are more drawings I did that night. I kinda got drunk and drew like ... too many of these.
So I figured I'd post them. WHY THE FUCK NOT?!
No shame here!

ANYWAY:


This is why ShyGuys wear this mask...


And why Boo's hide!



And why... bloopers .. uh? bloop?


Why pikmin make weird "wayyhhhhuh" monaey noises...?


It's what Waddle Dee and Waddle Doo do.



And a Diglit to top it off...

I didn't draw this one, but it applies:

And thats Dugtrio, so whoevere made the demotivational poster sucks and needs to learn more about Pokemon >(
SHIT IS SERIOUS BIDNEZZ.

MY POKEMONS

I had this CD. When I was in middle school. I sincerely listened to it. I still know the words.

Now I realize that Giovanni is pretty retard considering he is a huge a syndicate crime boss.
HE wants the pikachu. I always thought it was just Jesse and James being dunces and wanting pikachu (ONLY because Ash could understand it, because they love eachother and share a bond, etc, life lesson) when they had a TALKING MEOWTH.
Anyway, apparently Giovanni is behind that because he says he wants the damn pikachu. For no good reason.

EDIT:: I just remmebered (like a half hour after writing this) that there was an episode where it described why Giovanna wanted Ash's pikachu so much. Apparently Team Rocket was enslaving a fuckton of Pikachus, and needed electricty for something. They found out that Ash's produced the most electricity, and was like some kind of super-pikachu, a mad man electricity producing machine or some bullshit. This still seems like a shitty reason to go through all of that trouble to try to get it. You'd think they'd just cut their losses at some point.

Listen to the lyrics:
"We're team rocket and we fight for whats wrong, for mayham and madness and RARE POKEMON"

THAT MOTHERFUCKER WASN'T EVEN SHINEY. HE WAS BEFORE THAT! He's not RARE. He's just a damn super lightening rat. The only reason Ash understands him is because they like eachtoher. It seems like all of the trainers can communicate with their pokemon to a limited extent, so I don't see why Ash was ever special enough to get Team Rocket (at least Jesse, James and Meowth)

Also, I adore how flamboyantly gay James is in this song. His laugh is hilarious.

-----

Espeon
and
Delcatty
Kinda rough, but I like it



Wigglytuff with a dramatic sparkley bushie face.



My favorite pokemons of each type, and why I like them... (Not that anyone cares.)

Bug = Paras. The mushrooms are an awesome parasite that CONTROLS it, fucking crazy shit, yo.

Dark= Murkrow has a stylin hat mothafucka, also knows Team Rocket's passwords.

Dragon = Dratini. Cute and reminds me of martinis.

Electic = Rotom... technically 1/2 ghost too, but pretty badass moves. I named my Sadoko because she came out of a TV in pearl and is 1/2 ghost type.

Fighting = Lycario, 1/2 steel. He's a goddamn badass!

Fire = Charmander, master of not giving a single fuck. I find this trait admirable. My first goddamn pokemon ever, 1st GEN RED REP%

Flying = Togetic Decent moves, I like his little wings... pretty cute ♥

Ghost = Dusknoir, he can fuck you up. Especially in Mystery Dungeon.

Grass = Tsutaja I know this motherfuck hasn't come out yet, but he is so fucking awesome I can't even verbalize how awesome he fucking is. I swear to god hes a fucking stoner. Chill ass bro.

Ground = Cubone . He wears his FUCKING MOMS SKULL ON HIS HEAD. FUCK! How crazy is that shit?!

Ice= Glaceon, one of the better evee evolutions, imo.

Normal = I like a lot of these, but mostly because I find them hilarious.
Bidoof because he is endearingly retarded.
Clefairy because I've liked it since I was like 12, and its a nostalgia bomb for me.
Wigglytuff because of the wigglytuff in pokemon mystery dungeon, he was fucking hilarious and made me develop a deep love for wigglytuffs.
Arceus because hes a badass and can be any type depending on the shit hes holding.

Poision = Croagunk because he's a hilarious cockblock and won't let Brock get any pussy. (not like he'd get any, anyway... but still) Also, 1/2 fighting, so pretty good moves.

Psychic= I like a lot of these, They're my favorite type, I think. Abra (and all evolutions) are damn cool and very strong, Mew Two is a motherfucking OG BADASS. Espeon is cute and pretty tough.

Rock = LOL PROBOPASS AND HIS HUGE NOSE

Steel = Jirachi. Cute and tough. Steel is a pretty awesome type, and the only thing that is good against psychic.

WATER = MUDKIPZ, I LIEK TEHM!!!

--------

Okay, so, I've been a little busy drawing this stuff.
It's silly and a waste of time, but I like it.

Bloghate & RAINBOW KITTEHS

-----


Atmosphere music!
Feel free to sing along as this song most likely captures the feeling most people woudl probably have regarding this abomniation I call a "blog".

Sorry I haven't posted recently. Whatevr...
I have been busy, G. Playing pokemon and cosplaying and making my cat be a rainbow unicorn and shit, I'm a busy person with important things to do!
Also, I kinda had to stop partaking of my favorite herb because of a piss test I failed.. Apparently, I got the high score!!!!

However, My lack of updating does not mean that you should stop reading my blog while I am not posting it. You should still check to see if its here.
And cry when you see I haven't updated. Because it influences your life that deeply, and is that magically wonderufl.
HAHA just kidding, no one reads this shit. I could say anything.

BUT YOU SHOULD READ IT. All of you Internet people out there, who will never see these words because you don't read my blog.
I AM AN INTERESTING PERSON AND KNOW SOME THINGS, therefore:

MY BLOG
READ IT.



Here is a related Hipster Kitty (a spin off of advice dog)



ALSO ALSO ALSO:

FEEL FREE TO MAKE COMMENTS. Yes! I will respond to comments posted on this blaugh. That is special, Most bloggers are too "busy" and too imporant to respond to comments. Well, I got news for you. I aint no normal blogger. look at this shit, my "blog" is hardly a blog, therefore I am hardly a blogger. Real bloggers don't respond to comments because they're too legit. I will respond!

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED:
Blogging about Blogging.
how meta.
-------

In other news, I painted my cat with food dye and made him a fabulous rainbowww.
He is now a Unicatorn.






This was done with the help of my buddy, Angie <3

He seemed to really like to be painted, hes kind of whore for pets. So he saw getting paintbrushes with food coloring on them as being pet and was psyched.

Yes. Awesome.

Im gunna post some more about other shit I did too, like draw pokemons.

ALSO I may move to Tumblr (tumbleh). Not sure though. I will make a post directing to the new blog then and this blog will become a husk and an internet fossil. :( sorry blog.

julia

I like this song.
Also, this person is awesome.

This is a chick I kinda know, and I realize it might be creepy for me to be drawing her, but she was so goddamn cute in this picture that she posted that I wanted to draw it.
I'm sorry I'm creepy :3
i won't post the source pic without permission.


Sorry.

dissection of samus

some images i used as references (mostly for her suit, placement of things and the design.)...

A study for how I did the previous drawing... Not sure if anyones interested, but eh.

Figured it would help me to take it apart.

Also got some feedback from my pal Danny:

Thanks danny!

TABLET PC OMFG!

wacom cintiq.

I wanted one.

If you don't know what one is, it's a tablet (a drawing pad for you to use with your computer instead of a mouse). I dont know why I have to explain it, as anyone who would read my blog would most likely know what one is. w/e.
Lovely lovely machines.

But they are 1k, 2k$. I can't afford that shit.

I was however able to track down a Tablet laptop... A Toshiba Tecra (about 1k new... I paid $250 used from craigslist.)
I am so stoked.

Pretty much the same thing, but also a laptop, and much much cheaper.

This nice insaneo lovely technology is hopelessly wasted on me.
I have already used it to draw like 50 cats.


I'm thinking of selling prints/canvas prints on etsy, but I dont know if anyone would buy. I kind of serve an odd niche here, I dont know if anyone else is interested in the stuff I like to draw.
But whatever.
Just something I've been thinking about.


Anyway, I plan to name the Tecra laptop "Koobface" because of the Zombies! Organize!! song.

Koobface.
A nice song for a nice laptop.

My other laptop was a pink netbook, I named the Pettycoat 5 after this video:


My first laptop was named computrontop, because my main desktop is named Computron.
I dont know why. Don't ask me.

Yes, I name my computers. Just like I name my pipes, bongs, and car. Don't judge.


So, anyway, I spent much too long drawing this today.



This is maybe the kind of thing I'd think about putting up to sell as prints, but I'm not sure anyone would want to buy it (maybe $20 for a good print on streched canvas?) I do have other more whimsical drawings that people may be interested in.
Anyway, yeah- The tablet is wasted on me and would probably serve someone with more talent than I have much better. I'm not really using it to its full potential here.
But I fucking absolutely love it, and I keep wanting to draw stuff with it. The more I draw, the better i get (practice practice practice!)so, hopefully I can get good enough to maybe make enough money to eat from selling prints and shit. I'd love to be able to do that. Right now, thats daydream stuff, though. perhaps my sillier stuff would sell better without needing as much improvement as my more "serious" stuff (like this drawing) but I still want to improve overall.

But... This new computer enables me to draw more and makes me excited to doodle more.

HUZZAH!
I love this damn laptop so much.

Shitty poetry hour! :3

Id

you think I laugh
on the outside
and cry on the inside.
I am laughing inside
as well.

Not the same laugh.
Not the painful smirk
stifled, dead in the throat.
The inner laugh
is the laugh of a supervillian
with desires of annihilation
reckoning
apocalypse
and the songs
that will consume the world.

The drama mask smiles
while the other cries
2 sides of one coin
comedy,
tragedy.

The comedy mask's grin
extending further,
like my own.
twisting and contorting
with sheer desire
for destruction.
trial by fire
a better place
forged from the flames
of civilization
It's only
after we've died
that we can be resurrected.

The cheshire smile,
(of any cat, really.)
ends extended upward
like a tail
ready to pounce

The glasglow smile
born of pain
and smiling upon
vengeance.

a grotesque rictus
from which the
war cry pours,
thick and black;
the very requiem
for all that is,
was,
and what
would have been.

The cry of a
child
born into
this existance.

dream kitties and dream symbols and lucidity

I had a dream last night where there were tons of creative things going on. I wanted to remember everything that happened! It was nuts, and stuff I my consious mind couldn't come up with.
I...sadly, don't rmemeber those things. Which sucks. There are ways to improve your recollection of dreams. However, I was immune to these tactics at the time.

What I do remember, though, is that I got to pet a dream kitty :3
Whenever I see a kitty, the first thing I want to do is go pet it. Most of the time, it makes the cat happy, and it makes me happy. It's win-win. It is very rare that I actually get to pet a cat that isn't mine. Cats who live outside are often very skiddish (rightfully so, it's a survival mechanism for them to not be overly trusting). However, this cat didn't run away. I made clicky kitty noises and he came to me and flopped down on the ground like Felix (the black cat I have in meatspace)
So, thanks to dream logic, I got to pet this magical cat from my dream world.

He looked like a normal cat.. He wasn't even rainbow or any of that crap! Just black with some white sploches.



He had a small orange and red collar around his neck, and I wanted to look at the tag to read his name.
This is where I can tell that it was indeed a dream. I should have realized it while I was still asleep, and then I could have had a lucid dream and actually had some communication with the cat. However, out of excitement to be seeing the kitty and wanting to know his name, I was too distracted to think clearly. There are many ways to test if you are dreaming, one of them is to attempt to read. I am not sure why it is, but for some reason, the part of your brain which can do mathematics and read does not work the same way. It works conceptually: in other words, if you only look at a word in a dream and get the concept from it (this is not reading) you will understand it. However, if you look at it again, it may change. If you actually read it (letter-by-letter, close reading, the way you are supposed to read. Not wordsurfing.) then you will get odd mixed up and jumbled words. ("Crazy backwards words like Christoper Walken" : anyone who gets that refrence, tell me, I will buy you a beer and or icecream!)
Anyway, out of my keen desire to know this friendly kitties name, I went to read his collar. I than made up excuses for the mechanisms in the dream that should have been a sign that I was dreaming.
I looked at the collar and it said something like "I'm loved!" Which... I put that on my pet's collars, so hopefully it will guilttrip anyone who finds them into trying to locate me. I then thought to myself "this is silly... no, cmon, what is your name, kitty?"
Looking again, I found a haiku?!? It was something like this:

the chiming collar
around my neck will give you
no clue about me.

OMFG WTF Dream cat?! You are blowing my mind. So mysterious!
I then looked again, frustrated that some dumbass would put a HAIKU on a collar tag, but not the damn cat's name?! I'd at least like to call him the right thing as I'm petting him!
So, finally, I find his name! The third time I checked.
His name was a starwarsian hybrid of two words:
Han-Guido.

I am damn serious. First of all, This appears to be a mix of Han Solo, and some variation of the word Greedo. What the hell? That seems like a very bad combination.



Although, looking back, it seems fitting that he would be both black and white, almost like two opposite at war with eachother.

There?! You see that? That is me applying waking logic to dreams. I was trying to craete a link between his name and appearance, but there is no way I can know if those links are actually intentional or have any meaning. This kind of thinking, applying logic or trying to find "realistic" connections is what prevented me from being able to realize that I was having a dream, to attain lucidity in that dream, and to communicate with Han-Guido. I wonder what his personality would have been like?

I understand that this is all occurring in my head through synapses firing while I am in REM sleep. I do not think that Han-Guido exists on some other dimension/plane of existence because that is all unproven speculative hogwash to me. I wish he did exist!! But, I don't think he does in any place outside of the fleshy folds of my grey matter.

However, I can see him again if I focus on that element of my dreams when I do attain awareness of them and can control them. Han-Guido is a dream character who I can run into again. First of all, If I see him, he can be a sign to test if I am dreaming and possibly attain lucidity. Second of all, I can try to talk to him!! If I meet him and am able to talk to him, I first of all want to thank him for being such a friendly cat. I think would like to ask about his name, and get a sense of his personality. I assume he would be quite mysterious, given his haiku collar. If I were to inform him that he was a dream character and that I was dreaming, he would most likely inform me that he indeed wasn't, and that all of this was very real. Dream characters have the tendency to do that.
Also, all of this is assuming he could talk. I would like to think so, since he is a dream cat. But maybe this dream cat in particular is limited to the conditions of being a real cat. He is, afterall, a real cat in appearance. He wasn't rainbow or sparkley or any of those things. Simply black with splooches of white.


(i did not draw this. By PKGoldenfox from starman.net) (also, I will most likely get a screengrab of the dude. I like him. but I need to do that later.)

As a side note, I'd like to say that this reminds me of the Swimming cat in Earthbound, when Ness goes to his dream world of Magnificent (aka, Magnificat) who can talk to Ness, and is pretty much like a normal cat, except it can talk and swim. However, animals can often communicate in the Mother Universe, so perhaps that was not as exceptional for Ness as it could have been.


Anyway, Just some musings about dreams. We still do not know much about dreams, why they happen, or even how. For a very long time, I thought about becoming a dream psychologist/neurologist. Not a Jungian, but more like a scientist who studied dreams (the physical biological responses while dreaming and their influence on dreams) while also considering the psychological aspects of things occurring in the dreamer's life. So, in other words, a quack! haha..

I find these things so captivating, and we still have so much we could learn about how our brains work while sleeping. Hell, we even have so much to learn about how brains function, period. I think that by getting a better grasp on the way our bodies and minds work, we can learn so much about ourse

wherein I post shitty drawings

JAMIE


This was drawn for my friend Angie, who randomly put a sombrero on her pet pigeon. She also has a hamster. Anyway, I dont know. I love MS Paint. Jamie is the name of the bird. It was James until she laid some eggs. lol bird gender.

I drew it listening to this video:

I love weezer

Also drawn for Angie, it is Takoyakicat, who enjoys octopus balls.

Drawn for Neally, the ex-drunkard who told me to take over his drunk blog, resulting in this blog. I bought him a luigi figure for his birthday which I broke the head off by accident, thinking it was hollow and that I could stuff some hidden birthday stuff in there for him. But he wasn't hollow. Ehh.
ALSO...

I messed up on the goggles, but whatever.

Dr Horrible! Billy boy.

I dont know why, but he kinda looks Vash-eqsue to me.

I adore Dr Horrible, and forgot how awesome it was.
Very good and funny stuff.



WATCH IT if you haven't. This should be a playlist with all of them. It is good.

It's a brand new day,

And the sun is high

All the birds are singing

That you're gunna die.

Sauce Books

A local hobbyshop was bought up/cannibalized by another shop.
Turns out the new shop focuses more on slot cars and models, and the old one was more along the lines of pen and paper/table top RPGs and models.

So, the newer shop was literally giving away old books and such that it inherited from the old shop.
I had the fortune to stop by in there and picked up the following sourcebooks and supplimental books... for free:
Some are crap, some are cool. I grabbed 1 of everything they were giving away. I'm listing it here because if there are any that you see that you'd like, I'll gladly try to get another copy and mail it to you as a thanks for reading this stupid blog and putting up with the stupid shit I do.
:3

Aberrant - Fear and Loathing
Aberrant - Reignofevil.com
GURPS - Hand of Steel
A Pokemon Gym Challenge Strategy guide for the card game by Wizards.. (i dig it.)
Star Wars RPG - Alien anthology
D&D Diablo 2 : Diablerie
Codex book for Eldar
Hunter: The Reckoning character book - Innocent
D&D Forgotten Realms Pool of Radiance
Eden Odyssey Akrasia: Theif of time (they've seem to have stolen the diablo font here)
Source book for The Whell of Time (Some RPG based on Robert Jordan books)
Diomin - Into the darkness (spoooky doom)
D&D Hero Builder's guidebook
Anndd, DragonLance, Campaign Setting book.

w00t w00t.

So, if you see any of these you'd like, let me know and I'll see if they have doubles. They had a LOT of stuff they were just giving away. I dont know how much longer they'll have the books out, but eh. I'll take a look again and see if they have the one you want.

I figured even if some of these books were crap, I should grab them anyway.

Heroes

I'm going to tell you a secret. This will most likely save you a lot of time and heartache. No need to thank me or anything, hahh..

So, secret time:

You know all of those people you hero woship?
They are normal people...they have flaws
it's hard to swallow when youve looked up to them and aspired to them your entire life
but they are just as flawed as you are
and their existence is just as relevant/important as yours.


I came across this article, in which someone is warning you not to meet your heros. They say that it's always disappointing.
maybe the fault isnt with the hero for being "disappointing" maybe you have too high expectations for fellow human beings.
love your heros because they are flawed
accept them
befriend them.
It will improve your life.
If they aren't someone who will allow you to befriend them, they they are not deserving of your admiration.
Mostly, they will are busy within their own life and will not be interested in friendship. Whatever. You interaction may be a passing, shallow "Hey, I'm a fan"/"Oh thats great, thank you" conversation. Or, it may turn into a friendship, or a disappointment. Any way it turns out, you have potential for self-examination.

Or, go the "safe" route: choose dead heros, who you can never meet but safely idealize and live vicariously though their works.

Your perception of people is often filtered through your own desires and values. They are mirrors, and the things you see you like are really just aspects of yourself. Doubly so for he things you see that you hate in people.

You most likely like these heros because you see traits in them that you wish you had.
Develop those traits in yourself. Cultivate them. If you don't believe you can ever be like that, pretend. Fake it till you make it.

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." Vonnegut, Mother Night

There was a poster in the previous article I linked who said:

"When people show you who they are..believe them!So, I take people at face value until you show me otherwise. At that time, I adjust my thinking."

I think this is some very sound advice.


Just to let you know, This is how your heros view fans:

"Fans are clingy, complaining dipshits who will never ever be grateful for any concession you make. The moment you shut out their shrill, tremulous voices, the happier you will be for it. Incidentally, why not buy a Zero Punctuation tee-shirt?"
—Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, Zero Punctuation

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
—Bill Cosby

Fuck that.
Don't be a fan. Don't be a heroworshipper.
Do you remember that episode of ST:TNG where some little kid heroworshipped Data? That episode is called Hero worship. That is some goddamn bullshit and that kid is a little dipshit. It's DATA for fucks sake. This is how you are when you worship your heros. You are as stupid as this little dumbass kid who thinks Data is his hero. Hero worshipping sucks.
Again: Don't be a hero worshiper.
Be a friend. See the humanity in people you like, and embrace it. Reflect on yourself by examining the traits that you have a strong reaction (negative or positive) to in other people.

I think the old pearl of "If You Meet The Buddha On The Road, Kill Him" could be applied here...



None of this is literal. While on the road of your life, on your path to enlightenment and happiness, you happen to meet someone who you think has attained that... Don't worship them. Don't remove yourself from your path. Don't look up to them. Become your own Buddah. Be your own hero.


Being your own Buddah doesn't only mean that. It also means that you can not comprehend enlightenment until you are there. So any predetermined idea you have now of what it is to be in that state will make it harder to actually achieve it.

Become the kind of person who you would idelize.

April 20

TODAY!!
Its a happy day!


I don't have money/bud though... so...
I mean maybe Ive got a few bowls worth.
I just woke up and was planning a wake and bake but have been too lazy to even do that.
Damn.
I also have the day off, I plan to do absolutely nothing. Nada. It will be lovely.

A simple life

In highschool, I was required to speak to a counselor regarding what I was going to do next.
Life after the hell that was highschool.


The whole "what do I want to do with my life" is such a huge question, I've never had an awnser for it. I wanted to be an elementary school teacher when I was in elementary school because I thought my teachers were really nice people and wanted to help me, so I thought it would be nice to be really nice and help people. I was naive.
In highschool, I wanted to be a corner/mortician. I don't know why. I was goth, so that was why. I also wanted to drive a hearse, but ended up with my grandmas old car which I still drive today.

I then wanted to be a crime scene investigator, or I wanted to work for the FBI/CIA.
Obviously none of this happened. After highschool, I did dabble in wanting to be a pharmacist, and decided to get a job/go to school to be a licensed pharmacy tech. That was horrible. I hated it. I thought that being a tech would give me a good idea of what it was like behind the counter, and tell me if I should go to school to be a pharmacist. The power levels are different if you're the one running the techs, but I was treated like so much shit during my internship that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with the field.

I also have studied psychology pretty extensively (which is why im still in college, i keep shifting between english/psych...) and thought it would be productive, satisfying, and helpful to become a therapist. I often end up playing therapist for my friends, just because I want to help them. (A few "friends" have abused my knowledge of psych and expect me to be their therapist for everything. Feels bad, man.) However, I think that there is a lot of responsibility in helping someone examine their life and reflect on it like this, as well as opening up their issues for inspection... I think maybe this isn't for me to do. I am terrified of the damage I could possibly accidentally cause. I could not live with myself if I hurt anyone like that. Sometimes you have clients who are in a really dark place in their lives, and your actions could possibly make it a darker place. I don't want the possibility of adding to something horrible in their life, but I do wish I could help them and guide them to healing and happiness..

More recently I decided that I thought it would be "nice" to work in a library, and be surrounded by books all day. Except, I wouldn't be *reading* them... so, the entire point is missing from that equation. I also thought it would be nice to be able to research things while at work (something I can do now, as well). I don't know... it still isn't exactly what I want from my life.

Their little test to see what field I should go into in college was this:
What would I do all day if I didn't have to work? If money weren't an object?
I didn't really apply that test when I said I wanted to be those things. I wouldn't dig around in corpses, or measure out the linear projectile path of a bullet, or put pills in bottles.
It turns out I wanted to do what I want to do now all day.
For the last 2 years of highschool, I was able to get into a program that was much more like "college"- I could take actual JC college classes that would count as 3x credits in high school. I would show up once a week, homework in hand, getting the next assignment and going home.
Then I would do nothing all day except hang out on the internet, and do my homework at the absolute last minute.

I did pretty much nothing all day... because I wanted to do nothing all day. That is still my preferred thing to do.

People are critical of this, they think that I'm wasting my life or not doing anything with it. I don't know that it even matters that I do anything with my life.
I want to learn as much as I possibly can, and teach myself everything I can. I think that learning as much as I can is something valuable and worth doing. Hell, i think it's the POINT my existence. I wish I could spend all of my time just following what interests me, and doing what I want to do all day, every day.
I want to read my pile of books. Closely. I want to know everything about the book Im reading, the meaning, the symbolism, etc. I want to learn more about mythology, or botany, or music theory, or video game history/easter eggs. I want to play videogames all day, and consume them the way I would consume a masterful novel. I want to examine what I loved about them, and what could be better. I want to paint, I want to draw. I want to write the great american novel. I want to practice, practice, practice on my violin until my fingers hurt and I finally nail the song I have been trying to learn. I want to learn piano. I want to keep going to school. Forever. I want to be a life long learner, and fill my head with anything it will accept. I want to question things around me, and improve them. I want to be happy.

I want to never have the stress of doing something "right" or having to have everything perfect.

I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck (what I'm doing)to pay the bills... I don't want to spend all day in a place where I'm not really appreciated, or my personality has to be 1 dimensional and I'm constantly worried about fucking up. I don't want a life where my need to make money to pay my bills and eat is only met by sacrificing all of my time and how I present myself. It's a bit soulcrushing. My job isn't bad for what it is, but the nature of "jobs" has always been a bit of soul-crushing to me. Especially faceless office cogs... or the guards that "protect" their empty cubicles while they're at home asleep. I don't want to be that cog, I don't want that life. (although I am the guard, somehow, through some strange set of circumstances. And I am somewhat happy with doing what I do now...)

I am stuck between my desires, what I want in my life, and the need to be practical (surprisingly, most people I know don't have this, they do what I wish I could do all day and "waste their day" pursuing their interests while being supported by their parents still. I love living on my own, having my own place, where I can smoke whenever I want in the open, where I can keep all of my things, and where everything is put where I like it to be. I absolutely love the independence. I don't love the need to work for chump change/peanuts in order to pull it off.

So tell me, what is the piratical implication of my "talents" / and interests? I want to continue to eat so I can pursue my interests, and have a place to do them in.
(I felt a bit like this in highschool, that it was unfair that I, as a law-abiding citizen would have to work my ass off just for room and board, but if I did something to get myself arrested I'd get that shit free and could hang out in the prison library all day. I didn't quite understand how all that worked out and was naive. Anyway...)

I need money to keep doing what I want to do. It's just a fact. It is not out of greed. I am not a greedy person. I don't believe I live beyond my means (although I should cut back a bit and save some money for practicality). I maybe live a little beyond my means, but that is because I want to live. I like steak, I want to eat it, I think I miss out in my life if I'm not eating a good steak every once in awhile.

I am a simple person: I want to purse my interests. I want to live the way I want to live and not be too preoccupied with the pratical aspects of money to actually enjoy my life. It seems pointless. I do not need a lot of money. Enough for food, for rent/living situation, for the basic living expenses (power, bearbones cell phone, internet connection, gas, food.) I just want my food, my bed, a place to put my collections and books, and some weed. (If you think weed is a luxury, look at the steak. I feel that I am missing out on something lovely in my life if I'm not doing it, and it significantly improves my standard of living and quality of life. It has made the world a much better place for me, and I love it.)

Among other things, I like to dream that a blog like this would get big, and I would be able to update it and allow it to follow me as I follow what I love in life.
I like to imagine that we live in a world where someone like me can get by, die happy, and feel accomplished (even if my desired accomplishments aren't considered accomplishments by most people.) I want to be who I am and love myself, and not have to sacrifice any aspects of who I am in order to continue living my life. As I said, it seems pointless to live just to keep living, without having much reason to continue on. I think it is so sad to allow your livelyhood to overtake your actual dreams in life, but I feel that it must be done to live in our society.
I want to find my cozy niche in this cold and indifferent world and be appreciated for who I am and allowed to study what I want, do what I want, and live my life the way I wish I could.

I don't know what to do, or how to make my life the way I want it to be. I hope that I find out someday, because I want to live in a world where this is possible. It is too soul crushing to think that it is impossible in this world to live ones life the way you wish to live.
I am happy with my life, now. I wish I could spend more time doing the things I want to do and that make me happy. And that I could spend less time doing the things I have to do in order to do the things I want to do.

I hope there is a place for me in the world, and I hope I can find it soon.
I feel like I am wasting my time by not doing the things I love to do.

Well, thank you for reading all of this.
I think a lot of people can relate to these very basic and simple human/intellectual desires. That gives me a bit of hope that I can at least find like-minded people, which is a rare asset in this world.
I hope you find your place too in this crazy world, and I also hope you find happiness.

Don't wake me up if you EVER want money from me

I could be wrong, this could be offensive. Sorry if either is.

I am a sucker.

Meaning, if you are from a charity and either come to my door directly or call me, I will most likely give you maybe $5.
I have donated to Paralyzed veterans in return for their labels (They don't call, right? RIGHT?! more on that later...)
These guys. This is their logo:

And I have also donated like 3 times to some CA Police/Firemen association that calls me maybe once a year. They ask for $20 every time, I give $5, and even that kind of hurts me because I live paycheck to paycheck. (my paycheck is 40% rent/utilities, 10% weed, 10% savings, 20% paying off a card, the rest to groceries.) The PD mails me a sticker I planned put on my car because I thought it would make them less likely to pull me over. I never got around to putting it on my car, and I also have never been pulled over. Whatever.

Anyway, It is 9am on Saturday!
I was ASLEEP

I got a call from some "Local" (they didn't say local to where) paralyzed veterans "charity". They really pressed the "local" thing- They said they helped out homeless paralyzed veterans, which I thought was odd because I'm fairly certain that if you have medical injuries while serving you receive free treatment in the military hospital. If you don't get a lifetime of medical care for the injury you received serving your country, then that is fucked up. (if that is the case, I would help this cause if I get the opportunity to. I just won't under these circumstances. They're fucked up.) Also, you would be getting disability/social security, so that is enough to eat at the very least. Furthermore, I thought there were lots of places that give low-income housing to people who qualify, and it seems like these people would.
Also, it occurred to me that....
homeless: check,
paralyzed: check,
veterans: check.
It seems like they're hitting every possible sympathy mark with this combination. And as I said, I'm not denying that these people may help, but there are lots of resources for them to find assistance, not including this one "charity".

Now, as I said, if I think you're a legitimate charity, than I will most likely donate. I heavily doubt that these guys are real. The guy who called me, ON SATURDAY AT 9AM, was working in a call center. Yes, volunteers are most likely in call centers, but so are telemarketers.
This is the SECOND call I have received from an organization like this within the last 5 months or so. I told him that. He said that it must have been another charity and not them. At first I also thought they may be the the Paralyzed Vets. Of America (the ones who send you free address labels.) and he said that they weren't. I said that I didn't believe they called people, anyway.

So after all that he asked me if I wanted to make a "local" contribution and didn't specify what "local" was. He then wanted my info, but I don't think he would already have had any of my information (like the city/state I live in, even though he's supposed to be a local dude helping out a local charity which should have the same local info as me!)

Then, I said that I couldn't afford to since I had already donated to that other charity with the same pitch.
Before I could finish, he hung up on me. That motherfucker.

So, let me finish the first sentence here:
if you are from a charity and either come to my door directly or call me, I will most likely give you maybe $5 if you do not wake me up by calling me at 9am ON SUNDAY when 90% of the people in the world, including me, are ASLEEP... AND ESPECIALLY IF you do NOT hang up on me. FUCK YOU.

Needless to say, I will never donate to them. Ever.
I will also no longer donate to PVA, just in case they are affiliated with this bullshit.
Thanks for the address labels, suckers. I've given you like $50 over my life, so I think that maybe a lifetime supply of labels is a fair trade. Maybe you shouldn't send them to me for free if you don't want me to have them for free. (I also read that they spend like 80% of their donations on address labels for people who never donate. Maybe that isn't a good way to run a charity.)

There is a special place in hell for people who make a buck off of other's good will/sympathy/empathy. There is also a special place in hell for anyone who calls me at 9am on Saturday when I had work last night and will work again tonight.
This is bullshit. Fuck them.

Look, I am a fairly generous person. I make a point of it to give back to my community. Not because I want to say "Im so generous and a great person lookit me!" in a blog that no one reads. I do this for myself because I feel like its a worthy thing to do.


I volunteer 3+ hours a week at the library helping an ESL student learn English and to learn how to read... and have for the past year. I've donated 10 hours in 1 week to that same program. I've been a member of lots of clubs in college, including shit like "students for social justice" etc, where I donated time to advance that cause and help local people out. I have donated to a number of other charities as well.

As I said, I will most likely give you money if you're a real charity. (in before the 1 person who reads this blog pretends to be a charity. I can read your mind. I know what you'll do.)
But calling at 9 on Saturday, when people are disoriented and waking them up for a donation is bullshit, even if you're a real charity. It's even more fucked up if you're a fake charity.

Animal Crossing Wins at Life.

This is K.K. Crusin.

Chillin with K.K. Slider and his dopefresh animalise songs.
I got a little figure of Totakeke. He is so awesome.
I got a special place in my heart for Animal Crossing.

It's a simple life. You dont have to eat, but you can get fruit which abundintly grows from the trees. You can grow a money tree. You're around animals who are awesome, and not poeple who suck. Ok, well some animals are lame or jerks, but they're animals, not people. And there is less of them. You're given a house to live in, with a no interest loan... You spend all day catching bugs or fishing or making patterens or whatever. Whatever your passion is, you can do it all day. The world provides for you, the animals are friendly.

Eric, you said Animal crossing was pointless.
It isn't. It's a sim of a better life.
You said you can't win. I think you're always winning.
You say theres no ending... It's a perfect life. There is no death. People "move away".


There was a hilarious parody of Animal Crossing, done in a Let's Play...

http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Animal%20Crossing/index.html

It's fucking brilliant.
So funny.

Animal crossing

is

AWESOME.


Also,

And another:



I recall an Animal Crossing movie... I can't remember if I've seen it. I'll look into it agian.

totakeke is such a chill guy.
I wish he were my buddy.


but maybe....
maybe he's real.



maybe I'm tripping balls.


Actually. He is at least a little real because was named after a sound designer who apparently must have epic eyebrows... But He has a secret song!




A bunch of games he works on, this secret song shows up.
Mario Paint... not so hidden.
mario land 2
links awakening (fucking loved that game... reminds me of Germany.)
...just watch these videos. Amazing.




part 2


part 3


I love finding stuff like this out!

DERP

PL:ANS FOR THE NIGHT:



Getting high with dinosarus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi-gYRzEKmY

i would put it here but i cant cuz cutpaste isnt working and im too high

I put a T-rex sticker on my volcano. Because OF THIS SONG.

Every time I get high, it will be near the vacinity of dinosaurs.

I also have a left over plastic dinosaur from.. somewhere, i dont even know where he came form.

He's the kind with the spikey back- Stegosaurus.





ANYWAY

Also, i will watch No country for old men. Because I have read The Road, and loved it, I thought since this movie is based on a book by McCormic, I'd be in good hands.

At first, I was bored. Like 10 minutes into it, I was bored. Im stoned, have a short attention span. I need shit to wtf is that thing in his hand man?

SHIT WTF NAILGUN DUDE WAT?
okay man, I have to watch this


see, now you can watch it.


OK WTF

so hard to take this dude seriously even with his awesome nailgun

.....i have like 20 minutes left and I am SOOO BORED


OK DONE
Normally I'd gush about all of this
but I can't find it within myself.
What did I just watch?!
WTF does this even MEANNNNNNNN

someone explain it to me.

I found Jesus.

I found Jesus.

Now, I'm high off him. And weed.

Awhile ago, I took a night trip to the beach in Santa Cruz with a childhood friend of mine, Angie.
It was super awesome, a really brisk and cold night, and it was perfect for what we were doing. We took a bunch of pictures and drew shit with light, including Pac Man eating a ghost.
Anyway, I was using my static-proof flashlighty keychain doober to look at the sand on the beach, and I behold... Jesus.
I found him.
Ont he back of this little piece of paper, it has instructions for doing 3 hail marys.
However, the part that will actually "save" you is ripped of and forever gone to me. So I've found Jesus but can't be saved?

WHAT
DOES
THIS
MEAN?!?

Anyway, back to that later. After we went to santa cruz and got back him, it was about 5am, so we stopped in a Dennys. I remember talking about Jesus in Dennys, so I had the little piece of paper with me. I don't know where it went after that.

Fast forward, About week passed and I've just finished locking my front door to get to my car so I can go to work. I cut across the lawn, and I see a square of paper in the grass.
It's Jesus.

I've found him twice.
What is all of this?!?
Seriously, It's absurd.


I know people who would find this and think it was a sign from God. Big G god.
I don't know what to think.

Occam's razor would dictate that its just a piece of paper.
Someone left it on the beach, I picked it up because I thought it was funny, put it in my pocket and went to Denny's. Then it most likely fell out of my pocket, where I later noticed it on the lawn.

It seems egotistical of me to think that God's divine hand came down and placed this paper in places I would find it because he cares if I would convert or not.

After all, he's God. I think if he did exist, he would know how my mind works because he created me. He knows what tools he gave me to experience the world with, and how I experience it. He'd know that I, personally, need a little more proof than maybe some other people. Something that wasn't dropped by someone and then dropped by me later.
I don't have enough proof. I can't take the blind leap of faith.

Why should my salvation should hinge on the fact that I am willing to overlook logic?
I try to implement logic into everything I contemplate. And I believe whatever makes the most sense to me, because what makes sense to me just makes sense. It would be stupid to believe in senseless things.

It rather reminds me of the Bable Fish paradox in Hitch Hiker's Guide:

Now it is such a bizarrely improbably coincidence that anything so mindbogglingly useful [the Babel fish] could have evolved by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to
prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am
nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It
could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your
own arguments, you don't. QED"
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of
that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

-- Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (book one of the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy series), p 50

So let's overlook that it is a logical fallacy to assume that the Babel fish is indeed "a dead giveaway" for the existence of God. If God gives obvious hints, assuming that proof denies faith and faith is required for God to exist, then he denies proof of himself. Paper Jesus can not be proof, because otherwise there would be no god... He can't exist with proof.

Because Paper Jesus isn't proof, that means I am still on the fence about the whole god thing.

Even if I were sold on this idea that God was communicating to me through this piece of paper... And just to specify, this is the Catholic God, because of the Hail Marys on the back. It is very specific. Even if I were sold on it- I don't think my life would change much. I try to be good to people, I want to be a good person. Not because I feel that I will be rewarded if I'm good, but because this world really is a much better place if you try to be nice. It boils down to empathy: It sucks when someone is mean to you, so don't be mean to others.

I'll continue to live my life without needing to be told how to be a good person.

I will go with my gut, I will exercise respect, empathy, and connection with others who deserve it.

I will cut anyone out of my life who makes my world shittier, because life is too short to be around people who drain you.

I won't hate anyone who does not deserve it, and will instead slowly back away and gracefully remove them from my life.

I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. My will is good, my intentions are good, and my heart is in the right place.

If God doesn't like it, then it's out of my hands anyway.

My actions would be the same even if I subscribed to his ideas.

No Regrets...

This is all *know* we have, enjoy it while it lasts.

third

there is no third post

this is not a paradox

SECOND! ....etc

Ok.
So, My shitty neighbors are all out tonight, so I probably can't smoke because It's not so stealthy. I'm paranoid that they'd call the cops on me even though if they did, the cops would come and take a look at my MMJ card and waste their time.
This shit isn't logical at all, because they're the ones out at 2am laughing and parking their car where my car should be. Assholes. I'd just be in my own home, medicating myself and doing legal things. There the ones causing a ruckus.
Yeah- That's right, motherfuckers. You neighbors better watch your back, I'm talking crap about you on the internet, so you best not fuck with me.

I actually had thought about a few things I wanted to talk about tonight, but I don't know if any of them are worth talking about or interesting.
I'll talk about them anyway. So here's with the uninteresting stuff. I"m going to talk about them, there's nothing you can do about it. CALL THE COPS. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.


I realised that in my last post I maybe had a larger music to text ratio. I think it would be a good idea to have any music first, and then you can listen to it as you read, if so inclined. Hopefully I can pace it so there is a better flow.
So let's start:




I was driving to work, and I made some awesome time this morning. I normally leave at like 2:20, and have to be there at 3. So I get there like 10 minutes early, chill in my car a bit and finish listening to whatever song I'm listening to and prepare myself for the soulcrushing duties of work. I left at 2:30 because I was distracted by the internet. It is a giant party. Very distracting. Actually, this picture applies to shit I did later today too:

Lookit that shit. A T-rex in a party hat? A bikini chick? FIGHTER JETS? "INTERNET" in bright lights? I'm so there. fuck work. fuck homework.

So yes, 10 minutes late for work because of the internet party. Normally if I'm at the stoplight/by the onramp by 2:30 I'm ok. I was running behind- at 2:40 I'd normally be in the lot at work, but I was instead on the onramp. So I'm listening to Arch Enemy (linked above) and it makes me drive faster. Techno also makes me drive faster, but I chose metal. It was very much like this (credits to Natalie Dee. Who is awesome. You can find her awesomeness here )

So I find myself being super aware of people DRIVING INSANELY SLOW.
And not just being really slow, like.. 60 in the diamond lane (off hours) but driving like retards. People don't know how to fucking merge. This guy sped up/matched speed/sped up until he cut me off to get behind the car infront of me when it was my turn to merge. This shit bothered the hell out of me because I was fucking late.
So, I get into the diamond lane, and am behind Mr. Slowpoke. Not even Slowpoke. This motherfucker is the evolved slowpoke, bro. He is a motherfucking SLOWBRO. Complete with the fucking shell thing biting his damn ass making him even slower. Shit, wait, that isn't even the highest motherfucking evolution. Isn't it like... Slowking? Yeh. That motherfucker was fucking Slowking. He had the crown of slowness all up on his asshole head.

like that, motherfucker. SHITTT.

So I merge the fuck around him, I normally don't drive like this, but I was late, listening to metal, and felt like a bitch. I got infront of him, and went like 80 the entire damn way, and got to work in like 13 minutes. World record. Very impressive, I know. I'm totally proud.

Then I go to work, and I "work". I'm supposed to be writing an explication of a Shakespearean sonnet, but fuck that shit, I don't feel like it. So I don't- It's due on weds. I can wait.

Suddenly things are seeming less interesting than I thought they would be for this post.
Sorry about that. I'm not your dancing monkey to dance for your entertainment.
Let me think up more things.

Ok.
I have been following the the blog of John K.. - The dude who did Ren and Stimpy before being fucked over by Nick. He really knows his shit. Seriously. This guy has a passion for cartoons, and he knows everything about them. He is a Guru. I've been reading it for a few years, and have been following some of his lessons. I actually did one of his drawing challenges today at work instead of... yknow, homework/work.
I don't think I did very well, but it was worth a shot. I also do not have a scanner, so the pictures of these drawn pictures were taken with my cellphone and are of shitty quality. (Not that it matters because the drawings are shit to begin with)
So, the challenge was to draw a caricature of these off-model Yogi bear toys. It was a balloon of Yogi, and it was kinda deformed in an endearing way. (much like my weinerdog.)
Here is the Puffy Yogi Challenge which I chose to accept.
How did I do?

Orig:

Mine... smaller is "realistic" bigger is the "caricature" Apologies for shitty cellphone pic.
so the idea was to exaggerate the features and still retain the physics and qualities of the balloon.
Probably not so good, but I gave it a shot. When I drew it I thought it was way better... Now I'm embarrassed.

I'd like to think that the more I draw the better I get, so I a minigoal of mine is to get some more drawing practice in. I could probably clean it up a bit and fix it, but I am much too lazy for that now, considering it is fucking 3 am. It was 2 when I started. Why did this take so long?!

I had another drawing I did of the back view, but it isn't very good either, so I'm not going to bother posting it.

Actually I take back what I said, and I tried to make it look better.
It still looks like crap.

Oh well.


I think the neighbors have left, so I'm going to go stealthily toke and then probably hit the sack.
I think I've filled the requirements of drunken blogging for tonight.